In The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis asserts

“Hell is a state of mind… And every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind –is, in the end, Hell.”

Two weeks ago I thought I was having a stroke: I had a headache, my right hand went numb, and I developed expressive aphasia. At the hospital it was determined I only had a hemiplegic migraine (in more scientific terms, a migraine that sucks real bad) and didn’t need to worry.

But boy did I worry.

Every time something even remotely out of the ordinary happened to my body I panicked. My leg went numb because of the way I was sitting? Panic. I got lightheaded for a moment? Panic. My breathing changed because I was panicking? Panic. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, analyzing every little sensation. It was hell.

My only reprieve was when I got out of my own head: go on a drive with a friend, talk to my family, go to the library. It was like magic.

Luckily the worst of it is over (I think), but it did make an impact. It helped me realize life is better when we get outside of ourselves and focus on who and what is around us. Our minds really can be dungeons, but we have the key to the door, and can see ourselves out.

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